I'm constantly headed back and forth to Southern California. I love the drive there, I love the scene all over LA and its surrounding areas, I love the weather, my friends and family there... just overall love for the whole place in general. Therefore, basically any time I find a reason to make a trek down that way from up here in the Bay Area, I take it. I used to be going about once or twice a month (thank goodness the Civic gets good mileage), so when I got notice that one of my favorite cousins was turning the big 5-0 and having a party down in Tustin, I decided I definitely had to make a trip! C'mon, when the Facebook invite was filled with fun pictures like this...
.
...you know it's going to be a good time.
So off I drove, into the sunset - not really... I left in the morning so that I wasn't driving the boring I-5 at night... but I totally did get a speeding ticket in Kern County by a jerkface CHP officer who was certainly more rude than he needed to be. Sure, I deserved the speeding ticket - I don't argue that, and I didn't with him either... but he was still a total buttmunch.
ANYWAYYYYY, I finally get in to my buddy Dan's sweet little apartment in Santa Monica where I was invited to stay for the weekend and promptly ate some dinner and went to sleep. It was a long drive. The next morning... I honestly don't remember much. Dan had stuff to do during the day, so I set out to find some little summery wedge heels to wear with one of the million outfits I brought with me to wear to the party, since - of course - I hated all of the shoes I brought with me. I figured it would be best to drive to Tustin where the party was, and look for shoes there... closest to the party. I was stoked to find these darling little tan strappy hiiiiigh heeled wedges at a Marshalls up the street and I actually had time to paint my nails before the party! Ha! I think I looked pretty cute and put together when I got there. See?
That's me and the birthday boy!
As soon as I get there, I'm ushered back to their uh-may-zing backyard where my younger cousins are swimming amongst the pool with the waterfall and there is a full bar set up with bartender included - hello Mai Tais all night long. The food all looked incredible and everyone involved with the setup did a wonderful job on everything down to the Hawaiian photoshopped post card pictures of the birthday boy hanging all around the house. So stinkin cute.
Haha! I can't get enough of these! Every time I look at them I laugh.
Fast forwarding because I feel like this is a lot longer than it needs to be -- I'm sitting with my aunt (birthday boy's mom) chit-chatting away and suddenly... what do I see? This flash of button up white shirt and sunglasses.
Wait... is that? No... no way. Yes. Yes it is. Uncle Jesse. In the flesh. WHAT THE HOLY FLAMING CRAP. IT'S JOHN FREAKING STAMOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
Now, I'm sure most of you that read this (if there are any of you) are close to my age and we are all - men included - screaming fangirls when it comes to Uncle Jesse. Every episode of Full House was full of dreams about how my life would be if I was Rebecca. I know I wasn't the only one. Please. He was mentioned in Step Brothers for goodness sakes. This man is a Greek (no lie) God. But, you know, me being me, I didn't want to act like I gave two shits that my cousin is friends with John and so I did what I know how to do. ignore him while taking sneaky paparazzi pictures of him on my cell phone and sending them to my mother, sister, and all of my girlfriends. They all swooned. It was amazing.
So he walks in and says hello to my aunt that I was chatting with and then... he turns to me. Hazel eyes locked on. Hand outstretched to shake mine. His incredible full head of hair perfectly in place... "Hi, I don't think I've met you.... I'm John". Uhm, really? No shit. I melted internally and instantly. But I somehow came out of my shock to shake his hand and introduce myself as "Toree... Donny's cousin". He the proceeded to SIT DOWN NEXT TO ME and carry on a 10 MINUTE conversation. Now I do not remember what was said as the only thing happening in my head was "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO WAYYYYYYYYYYYY. JOHN STAMOS. ITS FREAKING JOHN FREAKING STAMOS. TALKING TO ME. HE KNOWS MY NAAAAAAAAME. THIS ISNT HAPPENING. PLEASE SING A JESSE AND THE RIPPERS SONG TO ME. SHIRTLESS. SING 'FOREVER' WHILE I RUN MY HANDS THROUGH YOUR HAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR". Yeah. That was how it started.
Fast forward to me ignoring him after that because I totally didn't want it to seem like I cared, but at the same time I wanted to get a photo with him so that people knew this really happened. Plus, every 8 seconds my phone buzzed with a new text from one of my girlfriends demanding more photos. I'm in the kitchen talking to my cousin Connor, and I feel something poke my butt. JOHN STAMOS. Yeah. he walked by with his camera and jabbed it into my ass to try to be cute. He then jutted in the middle of my cousin and I and created conversation. It was borderline awkward, but hell if I cared. Connor said, "He's so weird. I don't get it". You never will, sweetheart. You are a boy and are too young to know the glory of growing up watching Full House. As the night went on, I did in fact approach John to get a photo, and he obliged, even though my phone was out of memory so it took like 5 minutes to take these pictures and he kept trying to crack these borderline inappropriate jokes and it was all very awkward. But again, I didn't care because I got the pictures. YES!
Now, what happened next is what we refer to as "The Stamos Incident" and I was completely unprepared for this. Justin, now is when you may want to turn away.
I walk by the stairway and John calls me up there. Next thing I know, I'm in the spare bedroom MAKING OUT WITH JOHN STAMOS. I thought I was dreaming too, girls. I know. But I come to my senses and go, "wait, wait wait... turn on the lights and look around. My family is staying in this room and all their bags are everywhere. Someone is going to come up here!" Almost on cue, I hear my uncle walking up the stairs. I don't know if he pulled this from his many years in sit-coms or what, but he HIDES IN THE CLOSET. Yep. My uncle walks on in - none the wiser - with John Stamos hiding in the closet. I almost died. So hilarious. After Uncle leaves, John decides it's a better idea to make out in the bathroom. I GOT TO TOUCH HIS HAIIIRRRRR. It was amazing.
But you know... I like to play hard to get - even with Uncle Jesse. So I don't stay long, but he said I could give him his email and he would send me the pictures he took from the party (with his fancy camera that he poked me with) so I handed him a card with my email address and (obviously) my cell number. I stay for cupcakes, start the goodbye tour, and decide to head back to Santa Monica. It's 11 or so and I've had a long and eventful day. But oh no. It's not over yet.
As I hop back on the 405 and am talking to my mother, giving her a complete rundown of the evening's festivities (she may have been as excited as I was about Stamos), my phone beeps with a text. Shut the front door. It's an LA number I don't recognize.
"Toree! Where are you? JS"
WHAT?!
"MOM!!! JOHN STAMOS TEXTED ME!"
While simultaneously having a panic attack, we text back and forth and he asks me to meet him at his mother's house (so weird, right?) since it's closer to Tustin than his house. OBVIOUSLY I go. My mother, being her overprotective self, is somehow concerned that John is a mass murderer and I shouldn't be going to his mothers house at midnight. Well, I did anyway. Sorry Mom!
I'm not going to drag this on as nothing INCREDIBLY exciting happened other than sitting in the backyard chit chatting with JOHN STAMOS while drinking wine and eating his mother's Easter candy as he told me that *I* had amazing hair. ME! The man with the most perfect head of hair on the planet told me that MINE was amazing. HAHA!! YESSSSS! Matrix Biolage, you did it again. The highlight of my night was when we texted John Mayer. Apparently being famous in LA means you know freaking everyone under the sun and can text them at 2am for normal chatter. As soon as I left his mom's I get this text:
Of course, I still have friends that send me pictures, emails, website links, texts, etc of anything Stamos related... from tabloid articles, to TV shows he is on right now to wonderful items like this:
and the matching tee shirts:
It's a really funny story and gave me some serious insight as to how strange a person can get after being famous for their entire adult life. He certainly was an odd duck. I could make this blog post 5,000 pages if I told you all about his quirks and the conversations from that night in detail, but I'll spare you and answer questions individually if you really really feel the need to hear how he carried Easter candy around in his pockets. Definitely an evening I won't forget and a great connection to have in my list of contacts. LOL. That concludes this episode of "The Stamos Incident".
Well, I made out with Kimmie Gibbler.
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